Thirty Years

We celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary earlier this month and marveled at where the time had gone. We've had our share of ups and downs and just OKs over the last three decades and survived them all.

We're a somewhat unlikely couple. I'm older and tend to be reserved and a bit too serious at times, while Mari has a more outgoing, life-of-the-party personality.

We had known each other for a while before we actually went out on a date. She was helping run her family's business, a very successful Attleboro restaurant that everyone knew and was the place to meet family and friends. It was so popular that on Thanksgiving Eve and Christmas Eve Eve, a police detail was needed to manage the traffic.

I was a Tuesday night regular with my colleagues on the City Council. We would adjourn to a table in the back of the restaurant after our meetings. Some said that's where the decisions were really made. In fact, we rarely talked business. It was a time -- that seems quaint now -- when politicians could also be personally friendly.  We could go at it tooth and nail at a meeting, then sit down together and have the supper that we often missed, because many of us came right from work to City Hall. The conversation tended towards our jobs, families, the latest community gossip, and upcoming vacations and events. Anyone could pull up a chair and join us. My future father-in-law often did.

Mari and I would flirt. She encouraged me to put ice in my beer, for example. But it took a while for me to get the courage to ask her out.  (See above about how different we are.)

When the time came for our first date, she confided in her Mother that she really didn't want to go out with me.  But Janet advised her "you don't have to marry the guy." Later that night at a desert and coffee bar on Providence's East Side, a couple we were seated next to predicted that we would get married someday, which was about the furthest thing from either one of our minds.

But they must have seen something. We were engaged several months later to the surprise of many.  (See above about how different we are.)

And, as they say, the rest is history.

Fast forward 30 years and we're certainly not as young as we used to be. I'm old enough to be collecting my Social Security check, while Mari is still several years away. We spend more time together now, as I've joined her successful real estate practice. Most days we come home from the office still talking to each other. We're in good health and have plans and dreams that should keep us busy for many years to come.

I love her as much as ever, but she can drive me crazy by leaving the refrigerator door open and constantly looking for her phone and glasses.

But, I can't imagine life without her. She's a devoted grandmother; a supportive mother; a good friend, and often patient with me, which is not always easy. One of these days I'll get my hearing checked...

You can't help but think of all the quotes and cliches about time passing when you experience a milestone like your 30th wedding anniversary.

"One day, you’re 17 and you’re planning for someday. And then quietly, without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And then someday is yesterday. And this is your life." ~ John Green

"Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time." ~ Jim Rohn

"The trouble is you think you have time." ~ Gautama Buddhaa

I'm hoping we do. And lots of it.

The Importance of Saying Thank You

I saw something happen the other day that made me realize that we don't say thank you nearly enough. Or to put it the another way, many of us are not very good at acknowledging what others do for us.

We were finishing lunch at an outdoor restaurant on Hyannis Harbor the other week when a woman came into the table area and said that her husband was having trouble paying to park their car at the adjacent public lot. The booth, she said, was empty, and they didn't know what to do.

When it was explained to her that the structure she was referring to was simply an information booth and that the computerized kiosk next to it was where you pay, she sat down and said "Well, he'll never figure that out. He's 85 and refuses to learn how to use a computer."

That could have been the end of it. But, instead, a young woman, who had been our server, went out into the lot, found the man and explained how the process works. She even took his credit card, went to the kiosk and helped him pay for his parking.

I left the restaurant thinking that I hope someone tells the manager about what she did. Upon reflection, I realize I shouldn't have left the task to "someone." I should have done it myself.

Ralph Marston, who is the author behind The Daily Motivator website, says that we should "make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you'll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life and you'll find that you have more of it."

The basic idea of appreciating life brings back memories of wife's late Uncle Joe, who told me years ago that he got up every morning, put his feet on the floor, and simply said "thank you."  That's a good habit that I try to follow, but don't always. I'm somehow too busy at 6:00am making coffee and watching ESPN.

This summer is the first in the nearly 25 years that we've lived on Cape Cod that I've had the opportunity to really appreciate the place. For pretty much the whole time we've been here, I've been driving over one of the bridges chasing a paycheck somewhere in Southeastern Massachusetts, Providence, RI, and even Andover, MA -- which is just a few miles from the New Hampshire border.

But due to an unplanned career change two years ago, I'm getting to spend more time on Cape helping my wife with her successful real estate practice and taking a short ride over the bridge to teach at our local state university.  I finally feel like I live here. I even play golf once a week, something I never had time for.

So, I guess I should be 'thankful" that the Board of Directors of the non-profit where I was working hamhandedly reorganized me out of my job in September 2017 without warning and while I was on vacation. I was stunned at the time, but for me personally, it was one of the best things that ever happened.

Let's be honest. Some of us don't think that it's necessary to thank people for doing their jobs. Servers in restaurants and sales clerks in stores are paid to respond to our whims. So, why say thanks?

At the same time, it's also hard for some people to accept what we used to call "attaboys" for performing tasks in their job descriptions.

But, giving and accepting praise is an important part of our psychological well-being, as Dr. Laura Trice explains in the video linked here.

Please take a moment in watch.

Thank you....