Time to Step Aside

As a long time New England Patriots fan and someone who has worked in the PR business for more years than he cares to count, I've been watching with interest Bob Kraft's desperate attempt to maintain his position and reputation following his arrest on charges of soliciting sex.

I think we all agree that for a man in his position to visit a strip mall massage parlor was incredibly stupid. He knows people. He knows people who know people. If he was interested in a paid for rendezvous, you have to believe that there was someone in his contact list who could have arranged it.

Few buy the defense being offered by some of his apologists that we're talking about businesswomen, who were simply being compensated for services rendered. Or that he's just a lonely widower.

The damage is done. So where does Kraft go from here?

He may legally have the tape of his encounter suppressed, but it will surely end up on TMZ  or an internet porn site. They'll offer too much money in exchange for the video. Someone will accept their offer.

Declared guilty or not, the NFL will have to exact some kind of a punishment. There will be too much pressure from other owners, players, and interest groups to fail to take action. It was unfair, but Kraft's name and the League have been connected with human sex trafficking and a response is  necessary.

Can Kraft continue to be the face of the team?

I don't think so.

Every time he is shown sitting in the owners box during a game, fans across the country will be reminded of what happened. New Englanders have been quick to forgive Kraft, but the League needs to consider its total fan base, most of whom hate the Patriots and will be demanding punishment.

In a blog posting entitled "What to do when your CEO is arrested for prostitution," W. Patrick Sweeney from Axia Public Relations wrote

"From a PR standpoint, a company should treat a high-profile arrest like an unexpected death or incapacitation of a company leader: They must have a succession plan in place. The company must change the face of the organization in order to insulate itself from the negative publicity."

That's solid advice. Kraft is 77 years old. Transitioning to an emeritus status might make sense. This would allow his son, Jonathan, who is team President, to assume the lead role.

The involvement of Kraft's son Josh in the organization has been fairly low key. He heads the New England Patriots Foundation, as well as leads a major Boston area non-profit.  From a PR standpoint, his increased visibility at this time would be a plus.

(Another son, Daniel, runs the family business. International Forest Products, LLC. is a worldwide trading company that markets paper, pulp and solid wood products to more than 90 countries.)

Questions have been asked for years about when Head Coach Bill Belichick, who will be 67 next month, might step aside. Given his recent sun and fun/Hollywood date night profile with long time girlfriend Linda Holliday, you could assume that he's starting to wind down. The next year or so would give him the opportunity to transition to a President of Football Operations role and allow Josh McDaniels to take over on a day-to-day basis with Tom Brady still on the field.

Obviously, this is conjecture from afar.

What isn't speculation is that it will be difficult, if not impossible, for Bob Kraft to maintain his very public role with an organization that he turned from laughing stock into one of the most successful franchises in sports history.

He needs to end the drama and step aside for the good of the team.

Randomness

Some thoughts that might have turned into postings, but so far haven't...

I'm confused about how I should be feeling with my first Social Security check arriving next month. Pleased that I'm finally getting back some of my hard earned money, or concerned that I'm old enough to qualify for my full benefit?

My almost seven year old granddaughter posted to my YouTube page some short videos she created featuring one of her favorite stuffed animals. She said in one of them that she was "vlogging." She knows what that is, yet consultants are making thousands explaining it to adults.

I don't envy my college age students. Their job options might be limited in 20 years, because someone finds an innocent Instagram posting from 2019 that is somehow considered inappropriate by 2039 standards.

In 1966 Stephen Still wrote: "nobody's right, if everybody's wrong." I wonder if he's surprised that those words are still relevant more than 50 years later.

I used to chuckle at people like my Aunt Katherine, who became more "religious" as they got older. I've learned now that it's not a matter of suddenly getting religion, but of having more time to be thoughtful and reflective.

What's a good age to start a bucket list?

I'm not buying the argument from Bob Kraft apologists that what happened at the strip mall massage parlor was consensual between two people, who like each other. Saying that the woman involved was a businesswoman providing a service --  similar to the kid down street who you like and pay to mow your lawn -- is one of the oldest arguments there is to justify something that is illegal.

Besides, his going there was just really stupid.

As uncomfortable as it may be to acknowledge, we can't rewrite, disavow or ignore history to suit today's standards. Or we'll make the same mistakes again. Arguably, we might be doing so already.

I wish schools stopped teaching cursive when I was a youngster. My knuckles wouldn't have been so sore.

Will we ever get over the Blizzard of '78?

Transitions

I've been thinking about this for a while now...how we seem to easily transition from one stage of our lives to the next without often noticing.

One day we're changing diapers and driving our kids to school and the next we're trying to figure out when is the best time to start to collect Social Security.

Our  names change. Mom and Dad slowly disappear to be replaced by what our grandchildren christen us. In our case, we're now ChiChi and Papa. How we got those names are stories in themselves.

We mourn the passing of movie and rock stars, but our children and younger co-workers look at us strangely and ask who we're talking about.

We transition from seeing the doctor only when it's an emergency to regular appointments to monitor our medication and nagging physical issues.

I was brought up short just a few weeks ago when in addition to my annual physical, I had a Medicare required health review.

Q: Do you eat enough vegetables?  A: Sometimes

Q: How well do you sleep?  A: Like a baby

Q. Do you exercise often?  A: Next question, please.

Maybe we more easily handle the transitions in our lives, because the older we get, the more experienced we are in dealing with change. Over the years, we all cope with our share of disappointments and heartaches. Maybe it's a job that turns out to be not what we expected. Or the sickness of a parent or child.

We learn with each incident how to manage the disappointments a little better, as well as appreciate more deeply the joys.

I was heartbroken when my Dad passed away in 2008. We lost my Mother in June and I'm somewhat embarrassed to say that my grief for her did not match what I experienced for my Dad.

But, a lot happened personally and professionally in the decade between their deaths that no doubt prepared me to cope more easily with her passing.

My wife and I are lucky that our very close relationship with our granddaughter keeps us active. We also work in fields where age discrimination is not an issue. In both college teaching and real estate, experience counts. I doubt either one of us will ever completely retire.

But we do have to figure our how to adjust our life plans to the fact that we're not getting any younger.

There's an eight year difference between us and I'm sure my interest in a typical work week will wane before my wife's. One of her goals is to spend three months in Florida beginning when she's 65. My goal for 2026 is a little less grandiose. I'd like to still be above ground and know who I am and where I am.

David Bowie described aging as "an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been."

I wonder who we'll be?

Good for another six months...

This story begins more than two years ago as I'm driving down Route 93 returning from a conference in New Hampshire.

My cell phone rang and it was my doctor wanting to review the results from my annual physical.

She rattled off a number of tests that she was very pleased with. She also mentioned one test, whose initials I didn't recognize, as concerning.

Dr C. said my PSA number was a smidge high and tasked me with seeing a urologist during the next three months for follow up. She instructed me to call her office in the next few days to get names and phone numbers for doctors she was recommending. I agreed to do so.

Perhaps because of  my total lack of concern or questions, she then added "you know, sweetie, [she says that when she has uncomfortable news] I'm not saying you have cancer."

WHOA!

I could have driven off the road, except I was passing TD Garden and the Bruins were playing that night.

Then I did have questions and vowed to call her office the next day for those names and phone numbers.

PSA is an acronym for Prostate Specific Antigen, something she had been tracking for years. My results were just over 4 and considered suspicious.

I scheduled an appointment with one of  Dr. C's recommended urologists within 10 days of her call. Over the next two months, I had an ultrasound of my prostate, which actually isn't as bad as it sounds, and a biopsy, which resulted in my being hospitalized for a week when I developed a blood infection.

[I should have listened to my "sainted" mother-in-law, who advised me not to have a biopsy after she saw a program on PBS that counseled against it. Lesson learned.]

The testing identified some irregular cells. But thankfully, they weren't cancerous.

We've been doing follow up on a regular basis including an MRI, instead of a biopsy. While my PSA number continues to inch up, I'm still in the clear. I saw the urologist just a few days ago and my next appointment is in June 2019 for another ultrasound.

While the PSA number does not confirm cancer, it can indicate that something's up. Prostrate cancer in men is common as we get older. It can also be easily addressed. I have been surprised by the number of friends and acquaintances, who have successfully and quietly dealt with it. No big deal.

I'm not going to get all preachy here. I just want to encourage those of you reading this -- especially those who are over 50 -- to be sure you're tested.

Gulf War hero General Norman Schwarkopf, who was successfully treated in 1993, said that prostate cancer can be a "temporary inconvenience," when discovered early.

Which is a heck of a lot better than the alternative.

Patience

There's no debating the fact that things are little testy these days.

The old adage that you don't talk about politics or religion in social situations has never been more true. You can also add sports and the weather to that list.

No more just being sure to avoid your Uncle Harry or cousin Sue at the family cookout because you don't want "to get them going." You can pretty much extend that caution to everybody at the party.

We just don't understand anymore where people's hot buttons are. The reasons why we find ourselves in this situation can be a debate unto itself.

I personally look at technology and the inability of many to use it responsibility.

Twitter has allowed those, who not that long ago would walk away muttering in disagreement after a conversation, to now broadcast their frustrations for all to read.

It's given bullies -- never the bravest people in the world -- the opportunity to attack or shame others without having to deal with the consequences.

The media is at fault, too.  The obsession with being first and not necessarily right has led to misinformation and needless controversy. Let's face it, hardly anyone reads the corrected story, so the error takes on a life of its own as truth.

Fr. James Martin, SJ is a noted author and journalist. He's been making headlines recently because of his writings about how the Catholic Church should do more to reach out to the LBGT community. As a result, he's also experienced his share of social media attacks from alleged "Christians" because of his position.

Many of us are familiar with the Serenity Prayer. Fr. Martin has penned a version that is useful for our times.

The New Serenity Prayer

By: Fr. James Martin, SJ

God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, which is pretty much everyone, since I'm clearly not you, God.

At least not the last time I checked.

And while you're at it, God, please give me the courage to change what I need about myself, which is frankly a lot, since, once again, I'm not you, which means I'm not perfect.

It's better for me to focus on changing myself than to worry about changing other people, who, as you'll no doubt remember me saying, I can't change anyway.

Finally, give me the wisdom to shut up whenever I think I'm clearly smarter than everyone else in the room, that no one knows what they're talking about except me, or that I alone should have all the answers.

Basically, God, grant me the wisdom to remember that I'm not you.

Amen.

Keep it in mind the next time Uncle Harry wants to talk about climate change.

Football in Heaven

It's officially underway. Football season when perfectly sane people lose their minds every weekend over the fate of their favorite team.

The final result isn't the end of the world, but for many fans you would think so. 

Around here, we're lucky to have the Patriots, a more than successful team that is beloved in New England, but not so much elsewhere. They remind me of the Oakland Raiders, which was the team you loved to hate when I was growing up.

The younger fans among us don't remember the carnival years that preceded the Pats successful run. Our friend, Jerry Thornton has written a best seller about that era which I highly recommend. It's called From Darkness to Dynasty and is available on Amazon and elsewhere. His new book continues the story and is called Five Rings.

As I've gotten older, I've become a bigger fan of college football. It started with the Boston College Eagles. My younger brothers attended BC and my kid brother became a huge BC sports nut.  He and my Dad had season's tickets to football, basketball and hockey, even after Eric graduated. 

We started attending football games with them and soon had season tickets ourselves. The highlights were the years Matt Ryan quarterbacked the team. In 2007, BC was ranked as high as Number 2 in the country and in December  played in the ACC Championship Game in Jacksonville against Virgina Tech. (BC lost 30 - 16.) 

My Dad was in remission from bladder cancer and joined Eric and me on the trip. I wish I had a better copy of the picture of the two of us. It was taken at Jacksonville Beach and is the last photo of just me and my Dad. He passed away the following August.

As he was facing his final days, he wondered aloud if there was "football in heaven."  We assured him that there was.

Dad and Doug Flutie
April  2008

But what would it be like? Do they have their own heavenly leagues? Just think about some of the players and coaches, who could be involved. Talk about fantasy teams!

Or do Heaven's residents gather around a celestial wide screen TV on Sunday afternoons and watch the NFL on CBS?

Are they already aware of the final score or does the One who knows all keep it a secret?

No matter. I'm convinced that somehow my Dad has managed over the last decade to follow the success of  his favorite teams.

If not, I'm sure my Mom - who enjoyed attending a game as much as anyone -  has brought him up-to-date.

As Luke Scott, who played baseball for the Orioles, Astros and Rays, put it: "I believe God created sports for a good reason. It's recreation. It's something that we enjoy. It teaches us a lot as well...I believe God is a sports fan."

Amen to that.

Keep Tahoe Blue

One of our favorite vacation spots is Lake Tahoe. We "discovered" it several years ago when I was working for a company that had an office in Reno.

Tahoe borders California and Nevada. The line of demarcation is more or less the casinos.

We stay on the California side at a hotel with a beach right on the Lake. The water is cold, but refreshing, as the cliche goes.

It's also clear as the Caribbean. Hence, the rallying cry to "Keep Tahoe Blue."  (www.keeptahoeblue.org)

When were there earlier this month, the Sierra Nevada Mountains were obscured sometimes by smoke from the devastating wildfires.

But the scenery is so spectacular that even an amateur photographer like me can look like a pro.