Random Redux

When did it become OK to start pumping gas and leaving your vehicle unattended to go inside and get coffee?

Something to think about from Larry the Cable Guy. (Yes, Larry the Cable Guy.) Turn off the TV news and go out into your community and see the many ways people are working together and helping each other. Not that there aren't serious issues to discuss, but the talking heads and the politicians with the extreme views, who seem to dominate the conversation, are the outliers not everyday folks.

Is it programmed somewhere in our DNA that we start visiting our doctor more often when we reach a certain age?

Here's one I don't understand. Chase Bank recently posted what they thought was a harmless #MondayMotivation tweet with some simple ideas to save money. Nothing that most of us haven't thought of at some point...like eating what's in the frig and not going out, or making coffee at home, instead of going to Dunks.  (If we saved half the money we've spent at restaurants over the last 30 years, we'd own that Florida vacation home we talk about!)

But the twitterverse and the more liberal amongst us -- who I often agree with, but not this time -- decided that the tweet was "poor shaming." So, of course, Chase had to apologize; take down the tweet, and promise to be more thoughtful in the future. I guess you can't be sure anymore about what is or isn't acceptable.

I always admired John McCain. But even my Dad said McCain was too old to be President when he ran against Barack Obama in 2008.  If you haven't read his final  book, The Restless Wave: Good Times, Just Causes and Great Fights, I encourage you to.

After our bout with all that rain, I don't think I could live in the Pacific Northwest.

I don't know if I buy this, but marketing mogul, investor, and raconteur Gary Vaynerchuk  (aka Gary Vee) is predicting that sports cards are the next big thing.

We just had our Annual Town Meeting and elections for local office. I wish the enthusiasm shown for the issues on the townie Facebook pages translated into people actually attending and voting. Lots of excuses after the fact about why people didn't turn out. I'm sorry. I managed to serve in Town government for 10 years, while raising a family, working off Cape, and having a wife who worked full time, too. If people are truly as concerned as they claim to be on social media, they would find the time to attend a one night a year Annual Town Meeting on Monday and vote in an all day Thursday election, which are both held at the same time every year.  It's all a matter of priorities...

The Red Sox bandwagon. On or off?

On Being Uncomfortable

Now that the Academic Year is just about over, I feel comfortable telling this story.

At the conclusion of one of the last classes of the semester of an Intro to PR course, a student approached me to say that she had been "uncomfortable" with something that occurred.

I mentally ran through the topics we covered. It was actually a pretty boring class: an information dump about legal considerations in the Public Relations business. For example: obtaining permissions to use photos, and citing reputable sources like Consumer Reports or J.D. Powers, if you're going to compare your product to a competitor's.

I was pleased that she stepped forward. I was clear at the start of the semester that since this was a Public Relations course, we would be talking about current events. If we wandered into an area that hit a nerve, I encouraged the class to let me know.

No one stepped forward during the semester. In general, I think I have a good rapport with my students. I'm also very careful about prefacing topics that could be the least bit controversial with comments like "We're all adults here," or "This is a broad generalization."

I'm also sure that it's not easy to speak to a professor about something he said in class. (Especially one who is old enough to be your grandfather!)

So, after thanking the student for coming up, I asked what made her uncomfortable. She answered that it was my use of the word "uncivilized."

I had been using the current measles outbreak as an example of a Public Relations and educational opportunity for the medical field. We had talked about it a few weeks earlier and I had been sure back then to acknowledge that there may be some students in the room or members of their families, who believed that vaccinations weren't safe.

When talking about the crisis this time and the Public Relations challenges that the medical field was continuing to face, I said that one would expect to hear about the return of a disease that had been been declared eradicated in a more "uncivilized" area, not a country like the U.S.

I supposed I could have used a better word like "underdeveloped." But my choice of "uncivilized" wasn't malicious or critical of a particular region or group of people. I teach almost all of my classes without any prepared notes, just PowerPoint slides that serve as talking points. So, I'm sure every now and then I've said something that's arguably a little off base. But, this was a first time a student had spoken with me about what I had said.

I applaud the student for talking with me and in no way want to minimize her feelings. But at the same time, I started to wonder how the younger generation is learning to deal with topics, conversations and people that make them "uncomfortable."  That's a very broad term that means different things to different people.

I supposed it's a matter of personal priorities and experiences. Maybe this student's family comes from a part of the world that has been unjustly termed "uncivilized." I honestly don't know. She never explained.

But she did touch a nerve with me, as I never want anyone to be uncomfortable in my classes. We had discussed other topics during the semester that had me half expecting an invitation from my Department Chair -- who was teaching in the classroom next door -- to stop by for a little chat. But the phone never rang.

So, this caught me totally by surprise, given some of the other topics we had gotten into. But I also started thinking about anyone who speaks in public. One of the basics is to know your audience. But, can you ever really be sure today about who is listening and what might make them uncomfortable?

Additionally Random

If plastic bags are being banned, I guess that means we've saved the trees.

I feel bad for Joe Biden. By today's standards his "hands on" style of relating to people is no longer deemed appropriate. While I'm in no way dismissing the feelings of those who felt uncomfortable, he is by all accounts considered a good man by people across the political spectrum. To see the haters take a picture of him consoling his grandson at his father's (Biden's son) funeral and crop it in a way so it seems he's being inappropriate with a young boy is beyond wrong. (The photo didn't identify him as Biden's grandson.)

It just seems that too often we're apologizing. In teaching, I sometimes feel like I'm on the defensive. I can't count the number of times I've prefaced a point by saying "I'm making a broad generalization here," or "Not that there's anything wrong with that." Just in case a student might be offended.

In honor of my recent birthday, I've started a bucket list. (Or as my friend Mike calls his, a Life List.)

Short term items include joining a spring/summer golf league (done) and having an outside shower installed (which I think will happen in the next few months.)

Intermediate goals include visiting New Orleans; Memphis and Nashville; attending Patriots and Red Sox road games somewhere interesting and/or warm; another trip to Italy, and spending time in two of our favorite places, Clearwater and Lake Tahoe. I went to Kiawah Island back in my United Way days for a conference. I wouldn't mind returning, though I don't think my golf game is up to the challenge.

Long term, I want to attend my granddaughter's high school graduation. And if I'm real lucky, her college one, too.

I've also always enjoyed writing and have done my share as a corporate PR person and occasional free lancer. I've taught a number of classes about it over the years, too.  (I'm scheduled to teach Sports Writing this summer at the Plymouth campus of Curry College, if anyone is interested.) So, I'm curious to see what possibilities might be out there for me beyond this blog and the one at the website for my wife's real estate practice.

For her birthday, we recently took our granddaughter to a hotel that features an indoor water park. It was great to see so many young families -- and grandparents -- having fun with the kids. But I hope this younger generation stays in shape. Otherwise, all the ink they're wearing is going to look mighty silly a few decades from now.

Another sign that you're getting older. You're referred to as a "gentleman."

Even his critics have to admit that Tiger Woods' success is stunning. Not that long ago he was hoping to simply be able to walk.

His Masters win reminded me of my sainted Aunt Elsie, who was a cloistered Poor Clair nun for about 70 years. Somehow she became a Tiger fan and would commandeer the TV from the other sisters on Sunday afternoon, especially if he was making a charge. During his personal crisis, she greeted us once by saying "Poor Tiger. All those awful things those girls are saying about him."

But, don't think my Aunt was naive. She also asked us in the midst of the Clinton impeachment why Monica Lewinsky kept the dress!

A Pair of Sixes

Another year; another birthday.

They say that you're never too old to learn and I've certainly had my share of lessons this past year.

I've been reminded once again of the time and effort that it takes to be a teacher. While the schedule and responsibilities of a full time college professor (especially one who doesn't have classes on Fridays) aren't the same as an elementary or high school instructor, the subtle suggestions that you don't have a "real" full time job are similar.

A lot of what you do is invisible. The organization, preparation, and research happens under the radar. You're not always scrolling through Twitter for the latest scores or gossip. You're sometimes looking for a current example of a topic you're teaching. Reading for pleasure is replaced by underlining key concepts in textbooks for a presentation in the upcoming weeks. You listen to a podcast while driving to campus in the hopes of finding an anecdote that you can use in the lecture you're giving in two hours.

Today's students are growing up in a challenging era. The pressures and temptations that we faced back in the day don't compare to what they deal with. While you can be humbled that someone in your class chooses to confide in you and seeks your advice, you can also feel woefully inadequate in responding to their concerns.

Another lesson from my 66th year is that unlike Tiger Woods, who got one of the biggest do-overs ever by winning the Masters, the chances for one more bite of the apple are slim for most of us who are past a certain age.

Even though we can offer the value of our failures and successes, another big win probably isn't in the cards, because potential employers believe that we expect too high a salary or will leave (read retire) after a year or two.

The research says that's simply not the case. Older workers, who are far healthier than previous generations, want to continue to make meaningful contributions and have much to share as mentors and experienced leaders.

That's why I'm grateful that I've always had a second career in higher education and within the last two years have been able to take on a greater role in my wife's real estate practice.  Both are fields where experience is actually considered an advantage.

At this point in our lives, we've also done the best we can to raise our children, who are now adults with families of their own. None of us are trained to be parents. We learn on the job. We can only hope that the advice we gave; the example we set will somehow serve as a compass as they navigate through their own lives.

If we haven't, we need to learn that the decisions our children make are theirs, and not a referendum on our parenting skills. They still may disappoint us on occasion, but give them time as our parents gave us.

By now most of us have learned to adjust to life without our parents. I'm lucky. This is my first birthday without my Mom. I'm also fortunate that my "sainted mother-in-law" is available for advice, which she gives willingly. (Whether asked for or not!)

But more than anything else, as I grow older I continue to learn the futility of hanging on to the past.

Events that occurred months, years or even decades ago serve as anchors that hold us back as we sail into the uncharted waters of our years still to come. We can't change whatever happened, so what's the point of continuing to be chained to it? Take whatever lesson there is from the experience and move on.

I like to say that I've entered "shit happens" territory. I'm not afraid of it or even worried about it. But I acknowledge where I am.

The actuarial tables say I should live to be 91 giving me almost 25 more years on God's mostly green earth. Of course, what the numbers can't predict is the quality of my life.

So I have less interest in waiting 'till next year. I've started a bucket list, and cringe at even the thought of time lost or wasted on something that will never be featured in the highlight reel when my name is called.

Author Michael Leboeuf says that when you "waste your money; you're only out of money. But, waste your time and you've lost a part of your life."

And our lives are too precious to waste.

Lesson learned.

More Randomness

To the person who was speeding and cut me and several other drivers off in their haste to get to church on time, I don't think that's what Jesus would do.

If you've been involved in higher education for more than 20 minutes, you weren't surprised by the celebrity college admissions scandal. Back in my younger days, I served on the Academic Review Board at a small New England college, where I was teaching. As we reviewed the grades and potential of students who did not fare well during the semester, we would be interrupted several times during the process by a knock on the door summoning the Dean, who chaired our group, to the President's Office. He would return to tell us that a particular student was off our review list, because the family had just made a generous donation.

I tend to see things from the liberal side and am certainly no fan of the President. But it was uncomfortable watching the morning network news hosts trying to continue the collusion story when clearly the Special Prosecutor had debunked it. This kind of behavior only provides more evidence to the fake news crowd.

I'm enjoying podcasts more and more and radio less and less. There's more variety, less repetition, and I feel like I'm always learning something.

After watching a weekend of March Madness, the NBA seems very boring.

You wouldn't think that recent stories involving Lori Loughlin and Michael Jackson would have anything in common. What they share is that in both cases the reaction of  a certain segment of the population was to deal with the issues raised by ignoring them. Stop listening to Jackson recordings and fire Loughlin from the Hallmark Channel. The first reaction does nothing to punish Jackson, nor give the men who were featured in the HBO documentary their lives back. The second was a pre-reaction to the Twitter mob, who would have quickly moved on to another issue. Ignoring uncomfortable issues doesn't solve them. People have to find the space in their consciousness to handle both sides of the coin.

Did you enjoy how Bill Belichick handled the wiseguys from TMZ as much as I did?

Why is it easier to forgive than forget?

I finally know what "chalk" and "OG" mean.

This from Dean College colleague and voice of the PC Friars John Rooke's "Thinking Out Loud" column. This major league baseball season marks the first time there isn't a single player who played in the 20th century.

This Red Sox fan isn't panicking.

Yet.

Time to Step Aside

As a long time New England Patriots fan and someone who has worked in the PR business for more years than he cares to count, I've been watching with interest Bob Kraft's desperate attempt to maintain his position and reputation following his arrest on charges of soliciting sex.

I think we all agree that for a man in his position to visit a strip mall massage parlor was incredibly stupid. He knows people. He knows people who know people. If he was interested in a paid for rendezvous, you have to believe that there was someone in his contact list who could have arranged it.

Few buy the defense being offered by some of his apologists that we're talking about businesswomen, who were simply being compensated for services rendered. Or that he's just a lonely widower.

The damage is done. So where does Kraft go from here?

He may legally have the tape of his encounter suppressed, but it will surely end up on TMZ  or an internet porn site. They'll offer too much money in exchange for the video. Someone will accept their offer.

Declared guilty or not, the NFL will have to exact some kind of a punishment. There will be too much pressure from other owners, players, and interest groups to fail to take action. It was unfair, but Kraft's name and the League have been connected with human sex trafficking and a response is  necessary.

Can Kraft continue to be the face of the team?

I don't think so.

Every time he is shown sitting in the owners box during a game, fans across the country will be reminded of what happened. New Englanders have been quick to forgive Kraft, but the League needs to consider its total fan base, most of whom hate the Patriots and will be demanding punishment.

In a blog posting entitled "What to do when your CEO is arrested for prostitution," W. Patrick Sweeney from Axia Public Relations wrote

"From a PR standpoint, a company should treat a high-profile arrest like an unexpected death or incapacitation of a company leader: They must have a succession plan in place. The company must change the face of the organization in order to insulate itself from the negative publicity."

That's solid advice. Kraft is 77 years old. Transitioning to an emeritus status might make sense. This would allow his son, Jonathan, who is team President, to assume the lead role.

The involvement of Kraft's son Josh in the organization has been fairly low key. He heads the New England Patriots Foundation, as well as leads a major Boston area non-profit.  From a PR standpoint, his increased visibility at this time would be a plus.

(Another son, Daniel, runs the family business. International Forest Products, LLC. is a worldwide trading company that markets paper, pulp and solid wood products to more than 90 countries.)

Questions have been asked for years about when Head Coach Bill Belichick, who will be 67 next month, might step aside. Given his recent sun and fun/Hollywood date night profile with long time girlfriend Linda Holliday, you could assume that he's starting to wind down. The next year or so would give him the opportunity to transition to a President of Football Operations role and allow Josh McDaniels to take over on a day-to-day basis with Tom Brady still on the field.

Obviously, this is conjecture from afar.

What isn't speculation is that it will be difficult, if not impossible, for Bob Kraft to maintain his very public role with an organization that he turned from laughing stock into one of the most successful franchises in sports history.

He needs to end the drama and step aside for the good of the team.

Randomness

Some thoughts that might have turned into postings, but so far haven't...

I'm confused about how I should be feeling with my first Social Security check arriving next month. Pleased that I'm finally getting back some of my hard earned money, or concerned that I'm old enough to qualify for my full benefit?

My almost seven year old granddaughter posted to my YouTube page some short videos she created featuring one of her favorite stuffed animals. She said in one of them that she was "vlogging." She knows what that is, yet consultants are making thousands explaining it to adults.

I don't envy my college age students. Their job options might be limited in 20 years, because someone finds an innocent Instagram posting from 2019 that is somehow considered inappropriate by 2039 standards.

In 1966 Stephen Still wrote: "nobody's right, if everybody's wrong." I wonder if he's surprised that those words are still relevant more than 50 years later.

I used to chuckle at people like my Aunt Katherine, who became more "religious" as they got older. I've learned now that it's not a matter of suddenly getting religion, but of having more time to be thoughtful and reflective.

What's a good age to start a bucket list?

I'm not buying the argument from Bob Kraft apologists that what happened at the strip mall massage parlor was consensual between two people, who like each other. Saying that the woman involved was a businesswoman providing a service --  similar to the kid down street who you like and pay to mow your lawn -- is one of the oldest arguments there is to justify something that is illegal.

Besides, his going there was just really stupid.

As uncomfortable as it may be to acknowledge, we can't rewrite, disavow or ignore history to suit today's standards. Or we'll make the same mistakes again. Arguably, we might be doing so already.

I wish schools stopped teaching cursive when I was a youngster. My knuckles wouldn't have been so sore.

Will we ever get over the Blizzard of '78?